What’s Normal Anyway? Breaking Barriers and Redefining Resilience

“Leave no one behind.”

It’s a phrase my friend Joe and I carried with us from our military days—a motto we lived by then, and one we still live by today. Joe is legally blind, and I have mobility challenges from MS. To the outside world, we might seem like an unlikely duo tackling adaptive sports and activities, but here’s the truth: we’re just two guys living life and making the most of it.

Our secret? Trust, teamwork, and a simple but powerful phrase: “ON ME.”

Who Decides What’s Normal?

For a long time, I thought “normal” meant what most of us were taught growing up—a steady 9-to-5 job, a packed schedule, and weekends filled with social plans. That was my track before MS entered the picture. When I could no longer keep up with that pace, I thought I’d fallen off the “normal” train for good.

But here’s what I’ve learned: normal is just a construct. It’s not about fitting into one mold. It’s about finding what works for you and thriving in your own way.

Two Paths, One Mission

Joe and I come from different backgrounds, but we’ve shared similar challenges. When life threw us curveballs, we could’ve stayed on the sidelines. Instead, we leaned into the idea that “leaving no one behind” applies to life, not just the battlefield.

Together, we’ve tackled kayaking, skiing, and hand cycling. Joe skis and kayaks more often, while I take on marathons with my hand cycle because my legs don’t work, but my arms do.

When we’re kayaking or skiing, Joe has to rely on a voice to guide him since he can’t see the course. That’s where our phrase “ON ME” comes into play. When I see him drifting off course, I shout, “ON ME!” and he follows my voice to get back on track.

It’s simple, but it’s powerful. It’s a reminder that even when things seem overwhelming, we don’t have to navigate the course alone.

Challenging the Bias of Normal

Here’s the thing about “normal”: it can create unintentional barriers. When people assume there’s only one right way to live, they can overlook the incredible diversity of what people with disabilities can do.

Joe and I hear it all the time:

• “Wow, you’re so inspiring.”

• “I didn’t know people with disabilities could do that!”

• “That must be so hard for you.”

While these comments often come from a place of good intention, they reveal a hidden bias—that being resilient or active with a disability isn’t considered normal.

But Joe and I, like so many others, are proving that’s simply not true.

What We’ve Learned About Resilience

Joe and I often joke that our adaptive activities should come with a disclaimer: Warning: may cause uncontrollable laughter and unforgettable memories.

But it’s not just about having fun (though that’s a big part of it). Here’s what we’ve learned through our journey:

1. Connection Is Everything

When Joe hears “ON ME,” it’s not just about direction—it’s about trust. We’ve learned to lean on each other, and that connection keeps us moving forward.

2. Adaptation Is a Strength

Joe might not see the course, but he follows the rhythm of my voice. I might not walk, but my arms power me through marathons. Our tools and methods aren’t limitations—they’re the keys that unlock our potential.

3. Normal Is Overrated

Honestly, the idea of “normal” feels kind of boring now. The adventures we’ve had, the bonds we’ve formed, and the lessons we’ve learned wouldn’t have happened if we’d stayed stuck chasing someone else’s version of normal.

Leave No One Behind

Joe and I recently had the opportunity to share our story with a TV reporter, and it reminded me of how far we’ve come. Our motto, “leave no one behind,” doesn’t just apply to the battlefield—it applies to life. Whether you’re skiing down a slope, kayaking through rapids, or navigating the challenges of everyday living, no one should have to go it alone.

And when life throws you off course? Find someone you trust, listen for their voice, and follow it back. Because when we work together—when we call out “ON ME”—we all find our way.

Your Turn

So, what’s your version of normal? Have you ever redefined it for yourself? I’d love to hear your story in the comments. Let’s keep breaking barriers, challenging assumptions, and proving that resilience doesn’t look one way—it looks like all of us, together.

Because when we leave no one behind, we all move forward.